Between Tinder & A Hard Place

5 min readSep 9, 2019

Because if I’m being completely honest, I’ve probably swiped left on my soulmate already.

So there’s that.

And yet, I’ll still peruse here and there out of boredom, stuck in this endless loop of swiping. I convince myself that it’s easier. Especially considering the culture. Dealing with daily time restrictions, the weird algorithms that tell us what we should like and obviously with technology hovering over our every interaction. Who even knows how to date offline anymore? It’s such a daunting task to find quality in this current dating climate. And while the numbers are clearly not in my favor, I’m still here. Bleeding heart and all. Holding on to the hopeless romantic inside by a thread and surprisingly still in one piece. For now anyway. Because let me tell you, I’m one random bad date away from closing up shop and settling into “Fun Aunt” mode. You know the one with all her Eat, Pray, Love travel stories, wine & no man at every function? Yeah. Her. I mean, how bad can it really be? Statistics show that unmarried women without children are the happiest and healthiest subgroup, ultimately living longer. So really, it’s simply science.

But let’s be real for a second. That dream of being free-spirited and unspoken for is super dope in theory, but it isn’t tangible for all of us. Especially since some of us tend to be social beings who long for romantic companionship by nature. And ignoring that or masking it just creates other potential issues. Trust me, I’ve tried to convince myself otherwise enough for all of us. Unfortunately, I’m doomed to want to be settled in the traditional sense. Whatever that even means in 2019. But dating is just exhausting. Especially in a different environment. It presents a whole new challenge. In my personal experience, a lot of California men are simply lazy. Far too “go with the flow” for my particular tastes. No real substance, a lot of talk and minimal effort. Seemingly so spoiled that they expect to be chased. And women seem to be totally fine doing it. Some don’t mind being on the prowl. That’s not my ministry, but to each her own.

I hate to generalize or judge. But I just run into it too many times to not feel some type of way. Is this just the wave nowadays? I have to laugh at myself now because I never thought I’d miss Midwest men. I left thinking that for sure the grass was greener on the other side. Boy, did I hype this up too much. At least back home I had some sense of when a dude was into me. There was a level of action. Deliberate interest. Now I’m stuck playing the guessing game. And it’s a slippery slope when you let my mind wander for too long without something concrete. Cue the readily available swipe to date apps. Or swipe to smash apps. Seems more accurate. Half of you people on there are truly the worst.

As if dating in itself isn’t terrifying enough, the fear of going online and essentially starting from the bottom is real. Every new venture consists of anxiety, a bunch of questions, what ifs and cruising blindly through potential red flags. No references. No background. No middle man to float the convo until you and this person get comfortable. Nothing. Just plain chance & a little slither of hope that this right swipe will be different. It’s all just a game of risks and most people never get the reward. Spend one day on Tinder or the like and you’ll understand why. It’s tedious work for both the thumb and the mental. All those swipes can be taxing. The sheer judgement toward myself for even wading through such a cesspool is enough to make me cringe. And that’s just upon opening the app, before I even start to randomly judge the prospects. Oh look, only one picture? Swipe left. Too lazy to even write a bio? Left. Weird name that I know isn’t a real name? Left. The rabbit hole is deep. Once the left swiping takes over, it’s a free for all.

At least I can say I’ve picked up on a few truths along the way that make it less annoying. Little tips that if I go into it already expecting a certain outcome, I won’t get my hopes up. Like, if there’s a group picture he’s never the cute one. Or since men are substantially worse at taking selfies than women, you can’t 100% trust getting excited about their pics. Also, while you’re at it, never trust a profile with only one picture. It ain’t him, Sis. And finally, if he lists an IG on his profile but it’s private when you go check? He’s actually in a relationship. Or he’s simply inconsiderate because who lists an IG with no payoff? And of course there are the random profiles that you’ll run into that will just be a good laugh. Like the guy who only has pictures with his motorcycle helmet on, a random collage of bathroom photos or the occasional white man named Jerome. And those are just a few things I can remember off top. Trust that there’s plenty more where that came from. Entertainment for days.

But that’s not what I’m there for. The purpose is to actually connect and have great conversation with a stranger who I might not normally encounter. And dare I say it, maybe (huge maybe) actually date. But online dating apps have to be the biggest troll of all time. Simply there to get a rise out of you for no good reason. Or they’re just representations of misery. Tinder is the f-boy. Bumble is a tease. And OkCupid is that clingy one you just can’t get out of your hair. And don’t get me started on the countless other apps that are supposed to be more specific. Like Christian Mingle, Black People Meet and Chispa. I haven’t tried these particular ones, but I’m sure it’s all the same. Unless you want to pay the big bucks every month for a more tailored experience. But is that really what it has come to? It’s so difficult now to connect that we have to pay actual dollars to find companionship? Excuse me while I obnoxiously eye roll to the heavens.

I often wonder if there is even any point to it. Like, how many of us will actually swipe on someone who becomes a great friend or “the one” so to speak. What are the odds and statistically how long should one roll the dice? But in hopes to not make this any longer than it needs to be, I won’t dive too deep into that.

I’ll conclude by saying this…

To my future husband, may God continue to ruin every relationship you touch. Also, hurry up and come get me already. This is ghetto. XOXO




“When you are at peace with yourself, your energy is aligned into creating what you want, not protecting what you don’t want to lose.”